Author Topic: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant  (Read 9596 times)

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sicho

  • Guest
Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« on: May 23, 2012, 09:34:37 PM »
I heard today that a new bar and restaurant is opening in Korat town just for the convenience of farang customers. I don't have much information but this is what I know so far.

Having read the advice from knowledgeable farang on the internet, the owners have come up with a formula that should suit many of the local expats. The establishment is situated in the most convenient location in town, which we all know is Cho Ho/Suranaree Road, a small and intimate quarter of Korat. The interior is air conditioned and furnished with tables and chairs bought at great expense from the Palace of Versailles. Sofas are stuffed with goose down. There are no nasty plastic chairs. They have three serving staff and two cooks to each table. The owners are on hand permanently and never take even one minute to go to the toilet. All of the staff are trained at the American Harvard Catering Institute and paid an appropriate rate.

The drinks menu includes every beer you can imagine from all around the world. The food menu is exclusively Western and all unused food is thrown away every night, over the drunks who can't crawl to their cars. Beer prices are no more than THB30 per bottle and no meal, even the best quality beef steak, costs more than THB60.

For the perverts, ladies are on hand who enjoy neck bites and penetration of a type more common in single sex male marriages. Previous experience indicates that payment in advance is essential for these services.

Opening hours are 12-12 7 days each week. Expats, who want to diss. the establishment before they have visited it are invited to repeat their comments to Big Bruno, the doorman, during the busiest times.

Ron and Reggie look forward to welcoming clients, new, old and rat arsed.
 

Online Taman Tun

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2012, 09:57:17 PM »
Sounds perfect.  Do they serve Fray Bentos pies?  Also, are they still accepting Facebook shares for payment?
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
 

Offline takeitor

Re: Spreading Chesnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2012, 10:30:20 PM »
Bet they close for Songkran - Bastards!
 

Offline thaiga

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2012, 11:58:40 PM »
 


 I read the post also saf.That should suit down to the ground. :lol
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2012, 07:59:37 AM »
Sounds perfect.  Do they serve Fray Bentos pies?  Also, are they still accepting Facebook shares for payment?

I called them at 3.00am to ask. They always have the 'phone close by in case a farang wants a drink in the middle of the night. They said that they didn't have any FB pies but, as I write, they are on their way to a supplier to buy a couple of tonnes of it in case you're not the only fan of FB pies.

Facebook shares! That's funny. I bet you were one of the millions who foresaw that they would lose value once the fans had bought them. Inevitable, really.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2012, 08:07:16 AM »
Ron and Reggie have adopted as their theme tune Orwell's version of the song that gave the restaurant its name:

Under the spreading chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me
There lie they, and here lie we
Under the spreading chestnut tree
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chesnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2012, 09:00:36 AM »
Ron and Reggie have just called. The FB pies are at the restaurant now and will be available in two minutes time at THB5 per portion, including a free bottle of JW Red Label.

They also would like to promote their Happy HL hour. It runs from 9.00am until the last customer has thrown up, each day. The sofas during these hours are reserved for restaurant critics and self-confessed misanthropes.
 

Offline Baby Farts

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2012, 10:26:17 AM »
Château de Versailles

Do they have an affiliation with the old Swinger's club?  I would like to nominate Alfie as the head bouncer to this establishment.  His expertise in running a forum and second degree black belt in karate, coupled with his junior job experience in immigration at Heathrow surely qualifies him for the position. (No pun intended.) 

Question.  Do they continue to serve their patrons alcohol knowing that they've had to much to drink, increasing their chances of having a motorcycle accident? 

What is this Happylarry hour?....nvm.  I get it.  I heard that a ButtHai hour is also a new promotion in the works....he's currently on a recon mission spying on the old Irish Pub and reporting any unusual activities on K-F...Activities such as.."I NEED MY BOOZE BUT THE DAM.N PLACE IS CLOSED AND ALL I CAN SEE THROUGH THE WINDOWS IS A NICELY DECORATED INTERIOR, BUT NO CHAIRS OR PEOPLE!."
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2012, 10:58:39 AM »
No affiliation with the Swingers' Club as far as I know. I never go there, of course.

The doorman's job is already taken by Big Bruno. There is also a car jockey, who has the nickname Baby Face Nelson, who can park your vehicle for you and return it when you leave. That's a free service.

Tipping is banned. Ron and Reggie don't want customers to think that they have to cough up more then the bare minimum for 5 star hotel quality.

Customers with valid complaints will not be charged. Valid complaints include:

1. Drink related health problems.

2. Bringing their own prostitutes.

3. Dancing trouser-less on the bar.

4. Not having money to pay the bill.

Customer with complaints are interviewed in a private upstairs room by Ron and Reegie.
 

Offline Baby Farts

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2012, 11:52:36 AM »
Fair enough.  Will free wifi be available?  I've also heard that "Timid Timmy" the dic.k jockey...sorry DISC jockey might also be working there.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2012, 12:26:21 PM »

  WOW what a joint :cheers

                                           
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2012, 12:44:27 PM »

  WOW what a joint :cheers

                                           



 :lol :lol :lol
 

Offline Baby Farts

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2012, 07:51:54 PM »
 :lol
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2012, 09:29:12 PM »
"Answer" post by new member 'coolkorat has been split and moved, since it constitutes a new topic:

http://koratfart.com/features-of-korat/expat-life-in-korat-is-mired-in-crap/
Fun is the one thing that money can't buy
 

Offline Baby Farts

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2012, 06:58:45 AM »
Does anyone know who does their marketing or is it offered to them for free via experts on another forum?  Does the Spreading Chestnut Tree & Bar restaurant have a secret "pancake" or "sauce" they bottle and slap their logo on?  This will increase revenue according to a marketing expert on another forum.  How much secret pancake mix do you think they could sell in Korat?  It all sounds like a very lucrative plan according the the marketing specialist who has obviously done extensive amounts of market research in Korat.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2012, 08:03:07 AM »
I got a message to say that the baluga caviar is now offered at THB50 for a large serving with a free bottle of NV Armand de Brignac Ace of Spades on ice included.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2012, 11:13:41 AM »
 

  So it is
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2012, 11:31:36 AM »
It looks like this:

 

Offline thaiga

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2012, 11:50:23 AM »


   But the clientele they get wouldnt know that :rclxs0
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2012, 11:53:56 AM »
Good point! And it costs more then THB1.5m. It would be wasted.
 

Lebowski

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2012, 01:24:06 PM »
Went there last night for a beer as it seemed so good and took this picture.......and apparently all the waitresses are employed from Walking Street now and will supply their mobile phone number upon request after having their bums slapped and being drooled over.



 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #21 on: May 25, 2012, 02:27:56 PM »
Looks like a nice beer. I've always preferred big jugs like those.
 

Offline Baby Farts

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2012, 01:56:32 AM »
One of the patrons of this fine establishment was spotted this morning painting the fence for free.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2012, 04:12:19 PM »
 

   L(.)(.)KS Like they got mud wrestling on.

                                       
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #24 on: May 26, 2012, 04:28:16 PM »
I bet it's top quality mud, suitable for their dirtiest customers.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #25 on: July 17, 2012, 04:43:06 PM »
Special Tonight

Discount for those internet knockers who turn polite when the owners join their forum.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #26 on: July 23, 2012, 04:39:49 PM »
I hear that the Spreaders coffee shop is now open 24/7 with a special secluded corner for miserable gits. There's a new early morning coffee waitress, Onya from Bikistan.
 

Offline Baby Farts

Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #27 on: July 23, 2012, 04:47:35 PM »
Did that waitress once work for a lawyer by any chance?
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2012, 06:08:26 PM »
Did that waitress once work for a lawyer by any chance?

I'll ask but I don't think a Bikistani could get a permit for office work.
 

sicho

  • Guest
Re: Spreading Chestnut Tree Bar & Restaurant
« Reply #29 on: August 01, 2013, 07:43:53 AM »
The Spreading Chestnut Tree has placed a bench out by the road for locals who put booze before dignity to sit with their beer and cheap whisky in a plastic bag. Out of sympathy for their declining mental state, the proprietor will supply booze at 7-11 prices and a free plastic bag.

I wonder whether he will need to get a second bench soon.
 

 



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