Author Topic: I despair of Government Employees  (Read 5044 times)

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Online Taman Tun

I despair of Government Employees
« on: April 20, 2012, 07:11:04 PM »
I have just reached pensionable age so I decided to contact Her Majesty’s Government to see how much they were going to pay me after many years of paying taxes.  A quick check on the Internet revealed that:-  a) I could not check by Internet because I lived overseas.  b) I needed to write to the government pensions in Newcastle in North East England.  So a month ago I sent off a letter and finally found a reply in my postbox last night. 
To be honest I was not holding out too much hope for a positive reply but the reply I received left me shocked and outraged.  See below.  You will notice that I have now been asked to write to the International Pension Centre at the SAME address as the Pension Forecast Centre I originally wrote to.  Clearly it was far too difficult for Dave Stirling to put my request into the internal mail system in the same building. 
Now I must digress slightly.  People in the North East of England are known as Geordies.  Essentially, Geordies are Scotsmen with their brains bashed out.  There is a good story to illustrate this point.  Many years ago during the Napoleonic Wars tension was understandably high between England and France.  One day a ship sailed into the port of Hartlepool which is just a few km south of Newcastle.  The crew of this ship kept a pet monkey and it was running around on the deck.  When the scurvy Geordies on the quayside saw the monkey they decided that it was a French spy.  So they went and grabbed it off the ship and hanged it.  Today , if you are unfortunate to meet someone from Hartlepool, just try dropping into the conversation “Hartlepool, isn’t that where they hanged the monkey”? You are guaranteed an immediate prickly response.  Today, the area has high unemployment which is why the Government parks most of it’s undemanding clerical work up there. 
So last night I fumed and considered what to do.  I am sure that Dave Stirling must be a direct descendant of one of the murderous monkey hangers so I considered sending him a letter packed with obscenities and abuse.  On reflection this morning I have decided instead to write to his political boss in London, The Right Honourable Iain Duncan Smith MP, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions.  I shall be very polite but will probably not be able to resist threatening to go over there and give him a Right Honourable Rogering if he does not provide a satisfactory reply. 
Finally, did you spot Dave’s wonderful typo in my address?  He thinks Malaysia is a province of Thailand.  Had he not made the typo the letter could have been on a single piece of paper and not two.  A whole rain-forest would have been saved.  Rant over.  Have a good weekend.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
 

sicho

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2012, 07:20:23 PM »
I think you mean 'rodgering'. 'Roger' is a name, 'rodger' is what disgruntled voters do to their MP's and Ministers.  :)

Seriously, that's a poorly drafted letter with, it seems, not even the courtesy of a signature.
 

Online Taman Tun

Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2012, 07:42:17 PM »
Saf, you are probably right.  I had only previously come across it as a term that sailors use.  As in Roger the cabinboy.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
 

sicho

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2012, 08:00:54 PM »
Saf, you are probably right.  I had only previously come across it as a term that sailors use.  As in Roger the cabinboy.

It's said that they would rodger Roger the cabin boy! It doesn't matter much, I suppose, unless you happen to be Roger.

I hope you get the Pensions people sorted out. They don't much care for those of us who take the pensions we've paid for and spend our money elsewhere.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2012, 08:23:55 PM »
Malaysia Thailand Well it is close. :lol

Well i got a state pension forcast online from thailand about two months ago.
But i had to register with online gateway first (what a todoo)
https://www.dwpe-services.direct.gov.uk/en/statepensiononline

Four months before your pension is due they normally send a letter to your last known address.
Saying you can claim by phone 0800 731 7898 0800 731 7936
Here are the forms to claim by post if you want to download them.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/@over50/documents/digitalasset/dg_180391.pdf
You can also defer payment for 1 yr i think you get about 10% int.
Good luck anyway




Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

Online Taman Tun

Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2012, 09:36:45 PM »
Thaiga, many thanks for the info. I will follow that up next week....after I have sent off a letter on asbestos backed paper to The Right Honourable Iain Duncan Smith MP.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
 

Offline Loud Fart

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2012, 11:04:47 AM »
Thought I would chirp in with my tuppence worth.

I am actually from North Tyneside where Geordies are the native people. NOT South Tyneside, nor Durham, nor Sunderland, and certainly not as far away as Hartlepool being some 52 KM from the offices where you were attempting to communicate.

To draw a parallel comparison. It's almost the same as claiming Buckingham Palace is in Aldershot. Which only bolsters my suspicions as to why your original query missed its target. 

Seeing as you are quoting a Napoleonic wartime incident that is no more than local folklore, and never officially documented or recorded. The actual 'monkey hanging' in Hartlepool was almost certainly distorted as a parody towards Hartlepudlians by their neighbours in Darlington.  Which when you look at it logically. At that time, local satirists portrayed the French as grotesque monkey-like  creatures. Which when you couple that with the fact that the surviving 'victim' was almost certainly the 'powder monkey' (the ship's boy who would run between canon distributing the gunpowder). Also known at that time as the 'ship's monkey' or just 'the monkey'.

Anyway... I can understand you are pissed that things have not gone 100% 'your way', but it is I am afraid symptomatic of a system originally administered by 12 years of Labour government. The regulations that have led to your delays are of a national set of rules that exist in most DWP offices whether it be Bournemouth or Belfast. So pointing out that Geordies are stupid because they hung a monkey and therefor this lack of intelligentsia has led to your 'runaround' is somewhat short-sighted and quite frankly a case of 'pot... meet kettle'.

On a slightly different note... Ranting at IDS is not going to help you one single iota. I know that, you know that and everyone reading this knows that. I would be amazed if you even get a letter of acknowledgment from him or his office. So why don't you use your own superior intelligence that obviously differentiates yourself from the people whom are going to be processing your claim, and just make the claim instead of 'finding out how much they are going to pay you'. The rates of state pension are freely available on the government's website, it's not rocket science to work out what category you fall into.

Anyway, I would be most interested in knowing your full story... Your name is somewhat non-Anglo typical. How many years did you pay tax? Did you pay tax from the age of 16? Are you a naturalsed UK citizen? Certain answers could lead to the reason why they did not just push your query 'inter-departmentally'. But coming on a forum insulting folks and making inaccurate allusions is not going to help your cause a lot.

Edited to add: BTW... I fully understand why they sent that reply... Of course you are not entitled to a forecast, you are in the 'claiming time-frame' not the 'forecasting time-frame'. You need to contact the other office because they need 'additional information' to process your claim. they don't deal with 'forecasts' so why push a 'forecast query' to them?? Quite logical really, and that from a Scotsman with his brains kicked in.

Now the burning question..... What is a Malaysian with his brains kicked in???  :lol

 

Online Taman Tun

Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2012, 04:31:32 PM »
Today , if you are unfortunate to meet someone from Hartlepool, just try dropping into the conversation “Hartlepool, isn’t that where they hanged the monkey”? You are guaranteed an immediate prickly response”.  
LF Many thanks for making my point so perfectly.  The whole point of the monkey story, regardless of it’s truth, is that it conveys the outside world’s impression of Geordies.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
 

sicho

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2012, 04:51:23 PM »
TT, if the outside world doesn't know where Geordies come from, then they are the monkeys.  :thankyou
 

Offline Loud Fart

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2012, 12:05:19 PM »
Well said SAF.

That was my exact case in point.

Does the Queen live in Aldershot?.....lol

TT you just proved my point in that reply implicitly.

Next we will have Scousers coming from Manchester, and Brummies coming from leamington Spa.

 :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 

sicho

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2012, 12:34:33 PM »
Actually, I think that there may be a few queens in Aldershot. It's allowed now.

As the owner of the Swingers' Club might shout from the cockpit of his Lancaster, 'Bums away!'
 

Online Taman Tun

Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2012, 01:27:15 PM »
Saf, please, no rear gunners allowed on this website.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
 

Offline Loud Fart

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2012, 05:36:39 PM »
Especially the leather clad tail gunner variety.
 

Offline Baby Farts

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Re: I despair of Government Employees
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2012, 05:24:34 AM »
"Monkey hanger" is an affectionate term by which Hartlepudlians are often known.

According to local folklore, the term originates from an incident in which a monkey was hanged in Hartlepool. During the Napoleonic wars, a French ship of the type chasse marée was wrecked off the coast of Hartlepool. The only survivor was a monkey, wearing a French uniform (allegedly)-(presumably to provide amusement for those on board the ship). On finding the monkey, some locals decided to hold an impromptu trial on the beach; since the monkey was unable to answer their questions, and many locals were unaware of what a Frenchman may look like, they concluded that the monkey was in fact a French spy. Just to make sure, the animal was thus sentenced to death and hanged from the mast of a fishing boat on the Headland.


In the states we would just spank the monkey.  :salute
 

 



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