Author Topic: Biddable, beautiful and beddable - but most definitely not British  (Read 3227 times)

Offline thaiga

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I found this very old article in the independent, wonder what the figure's are today.

Biddable, beautiful and beddable - but most definitely not British

Up To 4,000 British men a year are paying introduction agencies to find Far Eastern brides - women described as "biddable, beautiful and beddable".

The burgeoning trade was highlighted last week when it was revealed that 75-year-old Brian Clegg, the former chairman of British Gas's Northern Region, had married 23-year-old Thai waitress Banjit Sawaengdee after meeting her through an agency.

Demand for suitable brides is so strong that agencies can charge men several thousand pounds for an introduction, as well as travel expenses.

Mr Clegg met Banjit through Siam Introductions, a dating agency based in Kent. It charges clients pounds 1,800 to pounds 2,000 for the service, which includes a video featuring around 300 girls.

Customers draw up a short list of about a dozen women and then travel to Bangkok to select the "best" one. They usually propose within 10 days of meeting. Charles Black, proprietor of Siam Introductions, sends over about eight men a month. He guarantees "100 per cent success" but also warns: "The beautiful girls do get snapped up quickly."

The trade is so lucrative that there are 145 registered agencies in Britain. According to Bill Howard, of the World Association of Introduction Agencies, there has been a 20 per cent increase in international marriages over the past three years. "Thai women can come over here now much more easily because of the recent changes in law which means the door is open much wider. People aren't looking locally any more. They are prepared to travel thousands of miles to meet a person."

What sort of woman is such a man looking for? Women who are reliant, unquestioning and wizards with a duster, it seems. The exact opposite, in fact, of most British women these days, in terms of status and expectations.

Mr Black, 69, and himself married for 12 years to a Thai woman more than 30 years his junior, provides certain clues as to the typical man who picks a Thai wife. They have four children, the youngest nine months old. "My wife is extremely happy," he says. "She wears out the furniture she cleans it so much. Even now I can hear her vacuuming. They're a joy to have around and they worship the ground you walk on."

It seems there is no end to her domestic talents. "My socks are beautifully ironed and folded," says Mr Black. "My other wife just used to throw them in the drawer." Then there is her personal hygiene: "She showers three or four times a day - and in winter too."

In a spare moment betweenshowering and vacuuming, his wife, Deer, explains why English men are so perfect. "Thai men are no good - they always have another girl, another and another. I want to have a good life and lovely children. My husband is not rich. He's had to work hard but he loves his family and looks after us." She never misses Thailand. "When I had my first son, Mark, I didn't care what I'd left behind. I'm happy with what I have here."

Finance is never a concern for Thai girls, argues Mr Black; loyalty and fidelity is what they crave. "Thai men are very unfaithful - they're called butterflies. So the women are looking for security. Their priorities are quite different from Englishwomen."

Typically, his clients are in their 40s, often divorced, and hankering for an idealised "traditional" marriage. And yet, how- ever contented some of these matches may be, there is something faintly disturbing about a husband who praises his partner so highly in terms of her attention to hygiene. Julia Cole of Relate is not impressed. "It's the pull of the past - of the idea of a golden age when men and women stuck to their roles. Maybe it's also to do with men's anxiety and fear of not being attractive to women in this country."

Or rather what used to be attractive no longer holds any currency. Says psychologist Susan Quilliam: "Younger women just aren't up for the contract any more - they're not giving up their independence for security. They don't need men for finance as they did 35 years ago. And so men are starting to look elsewhere."

But what these men overlook is that once their adoring Thai brides arrive in England, they may well start reshaping their values. "What happens when they start understanding the culture they've come to?" asks Ms Cole. "When they start getting more education, more self esteem, that's when the relationship will run into problems." Perhaps then hubby will have to learn to iron his socks himself.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Offline thaiga

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Re: The confessions of men who ordered mail-order brides
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2015, 02:58:14 PM »
The Reddit community came together to ask users who had ordered online brides what their experiences of marriage had been and many of the answers were just as depressing as you may anticipate.

1 comment below and lots more HERE:

I lived in Ukraine as a teen and I used to get flyers handed to me on the street stating that I could live in America guaranteed if I joined a dating site.

I also worked in the US embassy there for a summer. We had an elderly man (probably in his 90s) come to us to request a visa for his 20 year old fiance. Turns out it was his 4th 20 year old bride and he just kept getting them because he was lonely and felt like he was helping them.

The confessions of men who ordered mail-order brides

Most were apparently unhappy with their resulting relationships

User throwurboat said that he was shocked by just how explicit the falsity of the emotion had been: “It surprised me how fake it all seems. There was no emotion in anything she would do. I could always tell she was uncomfortable. It seemed like she was just doing a job.”

“She would cook, clean, offer sex, whatever. Pretty much what you want from your wife. But the passion, emotion, warmth, everything that makes a marriage actually work was lacking.”

“You could liken it to a gold digger but it was much worse. At least with a gold digger it isn’t painfully obvious, and you might actually convince yourself she likes some aspect of you.“

Another user, Sblent, wrote: “She seemed under the impression that a man was to be kept like a king and she was there for food and sex.”

He writes she would only eat food after he was asleep and insist on giving him a massage before they went to bed and said that he had to “metaphorically beat the submissiveness out of her”.

Throwaway says that realised the marriage was essentially emotionless when he found out how his wife had been sending money to: “the biggest surprise was finding out that when she was sending money “back home to her family”, it was to her husband (not “ex”) and kids in the Phillippines.”

Another user summed up the other user’s level of empathy towards those who ordered brides: “Whenever I read stories like this, my first thought isn’t to feel sorry for the guy. I just usually think, ‘Dude you can’t be seriously surprised by this’. You had to know what you were getting into.”

But the most tragic depiction possibly comes from BecameADearFriend who tells of how wife “had a ridiculous amount of humidifiers in the home so that it could be more like where she came from,” and that all she did was to “sit in a chair staring at the wall looking very depressed.”

The question put to users was: "What surprised you the most when you started living with your spouse?"
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Offline dawn

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Re: Biddable, beautiful and beddable - but most definitely not British
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2015, 07:06:29 PM »
What surprised you the most when you started living with your spouse

when in bed looking down there was three pairs of feet sticking out the bottom of the bed.
so i got out the bed and counted the feet four in total. silly me
the earliest light of day

Offline coolkorat

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Re: Biddable, beautiful and beddable - but most definitely not British
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2015, 09:02:46 PM »
What surprised you the most when you started living with your spouse

when in bed looking down there was three pairs of feet sticking out the bottom of the bed.
so i got out the bed and counted the feet four in total. silly me


Offline thaiga

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Re: happier hanging out with the locals than the expat community
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2015, 09:12:42 PM »
Another article from way back which is well worth a read. I wonder how these guys are getting on today,"fantastically well" i hope

Westerners follow Thai brides to live in hard-up northeast

On what the locals jokingly call "Westerners street", Australian Justin  is laughing over a beer with his pregnant Thai fiancee Eve - who at 21 is half his age.

"It doesn't matter whether you're fat, you're ugly, you've got spew hanging out of your mouth or whatever else, there's some lady here who will want to take care of you," Justin says with a grin.

Nine years ago he moved from Queensland to this hard-up, northeastern region of Thailand, known as Isaan, to be with his first Thai wife, whom he met on a trip to Bangkok.

The pair later separated, but Justin said by then he had fallen for "laid-back" Udon Thani, one of Isaan's main towns, where he opened Western bars and went on to meet his new Thai bride-to-be.

"The ladies here are the most beautiful girls in Thailand, Isaan ladies, and money-wise too - it's cheaper here to live than it is in other places like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket," Justin said, referring to the capital and two top tourist resorts.

Holidaymakers in Thailand rarely venture to Isaan, the country's least prosperous region, where downtrodden farms are more commonplace than the glitzy hotels and paradise beaches found further south.

Yet many foreign men apparently share Justin's enthusiasm.

He and Eve are one of an estimated 60-70,000 cross-cultural couples now in the region according to Buapan Promphakping, associate professor in social development at the local Khon Kaen University.

The trend began back in the 1960s when thousands of US soldiers were stationed in the area during the Vietnam War.

But it has continued apace, particularly as many poor Isaan women have left home to find work in the tourist hubs - often as bar girls - where they can meet foreign men and bring them back to settle in the northeast.

Justin's fiancee, whose Thai name is Nir, said "the way of life is easy" with her Western partner, who even helps with the washing up, and together the pair now run a small clothing business.

But Justin's socialising with fellow expatriates is a sore point.

"He's not single anymore and when they go out at night, they stay out until the morning. It's not acceptable, so we fight regularly," she said.

There can be a darker side for both partners in these unions, in which big age gaps are common and Thai law means Western men often end up buying local properties in their wife's name.

"I mean, how smart do you have to be to realise that this could be a bit of a trap?" said  a British lawyer-turned-novelist who has extensively interviewed Isaan bar girls in Bangkok for his books.

Thai-Western marriages could, however, work "fantastically well" - and often provide a financial lifeline for the woman's family - if couples have the right approach.

"It's a question of both parties, especially the men, understanding that this is a very different culture and if you want a long-term relationship you're going to have to understand the culture," he said.

Ronnie, 37, is trying to do just that, after moving from Brisbane in Australia to his wife's quiet home village in the Isaan province of Khon Kaen, where the couple have set up a fish farm together.

"I was going into a jungle - you hear a lot of bad stories about people being ripped off," he said. "I just moved along step-by-step to make sure this is what I wanted to do."

Ronnie said he "hit it off" with his 26-year-old wife in the southeastern resort of Pattaya seven years ago, where he was on holiday and she worked as a housemaid, but he found his first visit to the northeast something of a shock.

"They had nothing, her family. The toilet was a disgrace so I fixed the toilet, the shower. They wanted me to stay at the house but I couldn't use it," he said.

"When I came here and saw people who have nothing to give, but they still give it, I thought: these are people I want to help."

Ronnie hopes the farm will boost the village's economy, and he also offers advice to Western visitors on Isaan culture in his role as a volunteer with the tourist police - authorities he reckoned it helps to have on side.

Although he admitted his Thai language skills are still fairly basic, Ronnie said he is happier hanging out with the locals than the expat community.

"It's a shame because you see a lot of bar flies who have nothing better to do than drink all day and go back and harass their wives. Sometimes I want to say: well there's the airport, just go if you don't like it," he said.

As for his wife, she seemed happy with her choice of partner.

"I think I've found a good man, you know, and he takes care of me. I think I'm happy with this. Simple!" she said with a laugh.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.