Author Topic: You reddit here  (Read 172 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline thaiga

You reddit here
« on: December 18, 2017, 03:02:11 PM »
Time for another post. I would say this guy is paranoid, but he wants some advice on Handling disrespect. I would change your attitude geezer, Does he want everyone he meets to smile and give a wai. paranoid and over-sensitive,imagination.

Handling disrespect

I've lived here for 2 months now in South Bangkok in an area that is at least for 2 miles radius from my apartment completely foreigner-free. I think they are much more authentic to me here because I'm so isolated. Anyways, to the point, I could use some input dealing with this stuff. What should I do in common disrespectful situations?

-Staff not greeting or acknowledging me when entering a place or approaching counter (Or just a short, insincere krup after i finally say sawadikrup): Should I ignore it, how big of a deal is it and how do I confront properly. They don't do that to other Thai.

-NEVER saying krup/ka end of sentence to me when talking to me. Yet I say it every sentence, which I'm this close to dropping. How to react properly or confront?

-Them placing their hand on your leg or your shoulder or are poking you or grabbing your arm while talking: What does it mean and whats the proper response? I think it's a dominating thing, it's not a gay thing for sure. I always peel their hand off me but should I be flipping out?

-At places when a small group of people (usually restaurant staff) are talking together, taking turns looking at me and are laughing and giggling....? Not the cute, shy kind of laughing.

-When they type in the amount to pay on a calc and show me, after I had just been speaking Thai with them the whole conversation, instead of saying amount in Thai....? -After speaking some broken Thai to someone, they always either start talking fast as hell or they correct my pronounciation very loud and exagerated so everyone around laughs. Are both these responses meant to be disrespectful? I think so, if it was some foreigner on his 2nd month learning English I would NEVER do that shit to them.

Also just outright laughing to my face when I don't say something in Thai EXACTLY correctly.

-Oh and forget about the wai's, haven't seen one of those since I stopped initiating them 1.5 months ago

Thanks for the advice, wouldn't be able to get an honest answer to these questions out of a local!

comment Nick_Deedle
Yeah, as recommended, find some chill within yourself and don’t worry about this stuff. If they are being disrespectful, which I doubt, it would be no wonder if you roll with this attitude all the time.

Do you really expect everyone who passes you to greet you? Perhaps in North America, you expect a level of service in retail/restaurant but man I stopped expecting it within a week. It’s just different here.

Stop worrying about krap.

People sometimes touch you here. Just how it is. Ask my young blond kids. Deal with it. But “peeling” their hands off is likely fairly disrespectful.

It’s been 2 months and you’re still worried when you see them staring saying “falang falang...”? Chill man!

The calculator thing, just how they do it. It’s lowest common denominator. Only a few farang will understand so rather than decide if they’ll say it in thai, they just show the calculator. No risk of misunderstanding, saves them time.

The laughing and correcting thing happens sometimes. Say it pretty well, they don’t understand, then they figure it out and laugh at you while saying it over and over again with the right inflection. Yeah it’s like, uh wtf, but again, chill, and I ask them to repeat a few times and then say it until they tell me I’m saying it right. Use it to improve.

Also, have you noticed thai people wai each other in normal day to day interactions? You just look like a knob if you wai at everyone. I save it now for formal/respectful greetings like landlords or elderly or whatever.

Moral of the story, seems you’re the issue here and it’s not too late to find your chill and roll with it. You’re the visitor. Sometimes things are uncomfortable and they’re often different. Embrace that and resist less, and you may find yourself less miserable.

more comments here:
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Offline thaiga

Re: You reddit here - How much should I give for dowry?
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2018, 04:49:05 PM »
It's Reddit time, c'mon help this guy out, he lives in America with his wife to be, so should he pay a dowry, if so how much. tradition where he lives the girls father should foot the bill. But he goes on to say: Well we aren't planning to have a wedding at all. She doesn't have a dad.

How much should I give for dowry?

So I'm planning on marrying my gf who lives with me here in the US. We met in Bangkok and she decided to move here to live with me a few years ago.
I'll be proposing to her in a few months and upon doing some research I came across this idea of a Thai Dowry which I've never heard of before.
I'm supposed to give her mom some money apparently.

Googling tells me I should give her mom between 100k baht and 1,000,000 baht. Pretty huge difference there. Honestly I can afford the higher end of that spectrum, but would rather use it on a nice ring and the proposal (I am planning a surprise trip to South Africa to ask the big question).

Can someone let me know what would be considered respectable? I've never met her mom and she doesn't speak English but she seems pretty nice the few times my gf let me say "hi" on facetime. Lol

tl;dr how much should I give my gf's mom in dowry so she doesn't think I'm an ?

Comment from shakakoz
Here’s what I did. I had no one to negotiate on my behalf (similar to you maybe), so I talked to my wife. At first, she was mentioning ridiculous sums of money. Her father was the village headman, and both she and her sister were university graduates. The money seemed to go up every time we talked about it, until it was hovering near the 750k mark.

That’s when I said no. On the basis that I did not have that much cash, and saving/borrowing it might induce a hardship, I simply refused. It didn’t go well at first, and she insisted that “I had to”. I pointed out that I had been sending her money every month as evidence of my commitment, and that I understood that she would have to support her father in the future.

In the end, I remained firm in my rejections of amounts that I felt I couldn’t afford. I wouldn’t say it was so much a negotiation, as a compromise, but we agreed that any money I paid would not be returned, and would instead go towards our wedding. So, feeding everyone at the wedding ceremony, gifts for the monks, gold, and the wedding reception, where we had about 250 guests. All told, it was about 300k.

It was actually pretty cool. One of the biggest expenses was alcohol (and accoutrements), but we also had two photographers who followed us for 18 hours that day paparazzi style, and someone brought an elephant. One of the most important moments for me was when our cousin/neighbour/Police-colonel-wife wrote a (non-negotiable) cheque on my behalf for 1,000,000 baht as a symbol of the support I had already given my wife, which was presented with the sin sot. It was the first time that I felt that one of the villagers was sort of on my side in all of this.

I felt the money was well spent. I was happy to spend this money on my own wedding, and given the scale of the wedding I felt it was somewhat of a bargain. My original fear was that I would have to pay for the wedding, and then be surprised at the last minute for a demand for additional sin sot. Working out these details ahead of time avoided that.

Having said all of that, if your GF hasn’t brought up the dowry, maybe you shouldnt either. Many modern Thais see the sin sot as being an anachronism that has no place in our society. Like /u/yeahbutwhytho says, consider spending the money on yourselves. If not a honeymoon, maybe it could go towards a down payment on a home.

more very interesting comments Here
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.