Author Topic: Joke  (Read 1094 times)

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Online Taman Tun

« on: October 07, 2017, 06:15:06 PM »
Here is a joke which I shamelessly stole from today's Guardian:-

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank. Frank Feldman.
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was somebody really special."
Cabbie: "Oh hell there's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat it with. And he could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made mistakes, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never argue back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! I never knew him to make a mistake! No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well. I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his in my opininion superb wife"!
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. Churchill
The following users thanked this post: Johnnie F.

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Joke
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2017, 10:14:47 PM »
Poor cabbie, should've stayed single instead of marrying the widow of a perfect husband! ;D

BTW how did Frank Feldman die? Suicide?
Fun is the one thing that money can't buy

Online jivvy

Re: Joke
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2018, 07:42:58 AM »
New member ???

During lunch at work, I ate two plates of beans with onions.I know it is a big mistake…
When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and yelled cheerfully, “Honey I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”
He then closed my eyes with scarf and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to opened my eyes, the telephone rang.
He made me promise not to touch the scarf until he returned and went to answer the call.
The beans I had eaten were begin affecting me and the pressure was becoming irresistible, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not loud, but it smelled like a manure truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me strongly. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,
I went on releasing hydrogen bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was ineffable!
Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very comfort and glad with myself.
My face have been like the picture of Mona Lisa when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had opened my eyes,and I assured him I had not.
At this point,he opened my eyes,and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, “Happy Birthday Mrs.Fart!”
The following users thanked this post: Johnnie F., thaiga

Online jivvy

Re: Joke
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2018, 03:49:45 PM »
 :rclxs0 A helping hand

Offline thaiga

Re: Joke sexy man
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2018, 06:12:32 PM »
sexy man
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Online jivvy

Re: Joke
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2018, 06:51:25 PM »

Online jivvy

Re: Joke
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2018, 07:07:30 PM »
The following users thanked this post: dawn

Offline thaiga

Re: Joke
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2018, 08:34:19 PM »
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
The following users thanked this post: jivvy, dawn

Online jivvy

Re: Joke
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2018, 03:40:43 PM »

Online jivvy

Re: Joke
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2018, 03:43:38 PM »
Great Sex Quotes ?

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500."
Lynn Lavner

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!"
Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
Steve Martin

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.
Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde