Author Topic: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice  (Read 6877 times)

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Offline Seamonster

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Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« on: March 21, 2012, 09:38:46 PM »
Hello KoratFart.com,

I'm seeking out some advice on to how I should lay this all out and is it the correct decision. I have a very small goal; that I want to go back to Thailand to see a girl I like. I met her in February and we would hang out around 1800-1900 each day til 2400. Some days I got off so when that happened we spent the day together swimming and going to the mall. Now I've been talking her through mainly skype, occasionally we would do webcam once a week and facebook once in while.

Quick note: our ages are very similar  ( she's 18, I'm 22)

To the goal - I plan on going back in August after I finish up with some summer school ( college student ). So my initial plan is to stay in Bangkok for about 3-6 days with her, then return to her town and go from there; the trip is going last about 18-23 days. Now I'm wondering what will be the best approach to this in expense wise, I don't want to look too cheap, but being that said, I'm still in College. She also wants to marry me so I might end up meeting her father ( Not that I don't want to marry her, but I want to give it time) , I've already met her older sister and her husband while I was there.

I've been reading up a lot of things ( "The good, The bad, and The Ugly" parts of it ) and some of the culture and working on learning the language so It doesn't seem like jumping in the water with 100 lb weights attached to both my legs.

-What are some good hotels both in bangkok and Korat
-Good food, but not too expensive
-Places to go
-If I want to marry her how should I go about it ( from U.S. )

Just to start from there, and I can give out more detail if needed and on the long term goal if we do get married (made this a bit longer than I wanted it to be) .

Thanks,
Simon

 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2012, 10:08:53 PM »
At the top of your list I would put the marriage issue.

You are young and, perhaps, not financially able to support a family. If you marry a Thai girl, you will be getting involved in local customs that you probably don't yet understand. That's even without considering the matter of where the two of you will live. Don't assume that she would live for ever in the US and don't think that you will earn a living and save for your retirement in Thailand. Meeting her parents, by the way, may be seen as an indication on your part that you intend to marry her.

Treat her as a girlfriend and be honest with her about your intentions. You have a great deal to learn about Thailand and its customs so stay firmly single for the foreseeable future. Oh, and leave the rose tinted spectacles at home when you come here. Thailand has much to offer but isn't a perfect paradise.

While you think on that, I'm sure that more advice will follow, including answers to your other questions. The members of this forum will offer fair advice, I'm sure, and not lash you with the cynical responses that you might get on other forums.

Good luck with what you decide to do.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2012, 10:33:48 PM »
Personally i think your too young to tie yourself up,theres lots of fun to be had in thailand especially at your age,have a casual relationship for a couple of years first its much more fun.
theres dowrys to pay then the wedding,also its the custom that daughters duty to take care of their parents,so that indirectly if you marry that will fall back on you.
Where will you live,What about your visa,Go into these things before you make your decision.

Whatever you decide the best of luck.  I would be interested to know how you get on.All the best Thaiga

 
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Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2012, 02:13:04 AM »
Many girls at that age push for marriage hoping to get away from their parents by that. Meeting her parents in the role of a-groom-to-be will be very obliging for you and them. They have to push you because they'd loose face in their village, if the marriage to a young foreigner wouldn't happen at all or not happen according to the rules of that family and that Thai village. Make sure you know that you really want that marriage, and that you can live with all the strings attached. There'll be lots! Take your time to find out about all of them!

Maybe you have some ideas how she can further her education in the meantime. For example a year in the USA as Au Pair etc, then college in Thailand. There are weekend courses etc.

Good luck!
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sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2012, 07:50:56 AM »
Seamonster, I would suggest that you resist any temptation to take a teaching job here. The pay is poor, the work is frustrating and there's no future in it. You will try your best to do a good job, only to see yourself in the company of teachers who don't have legitimate qualifications and who are there only to ogle and fiddle with the students.

What part of the US are you from?
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2012, 08:58:11 AM »
Thanks for the responses, I take all opinions seriously. @ Saf I probably should have made it into marriage topic, kind of a hidden agenda to the whole reason of it all. I do plan to just wait it out and see how it works, like thaiga said, I'm still young and still have lots to go through in terms of life experiences. Especially in terms of love experience, I'm still pretty ignorant of the whole subject.

@Saf Right now I live in Oregon and currently in the National Guard, to the whole reason I was in Thailand was for Cobra Gold 2012. I had a good time, met the locales, and had a big feast with one of the families, which  was very unexpected to me on how different the culture is to America. Being said that I respect the majority of Asian countries and culture ( being a half-chinese might be part of it ). Into why I'm going school is for Computer Science ( hidden agenda to maybe work for a larger gaming company such as blizzard or valve, but I need a portfolio of making games so I thought of getting a job out of country - first was Japan as I was learning the language, but I seem to be fond to Thailand more right now and have a reason to go back to). For getting a career in Thailand I did think about being a teacher, I've always was fond of teaching people and helping people out ( family is full of teachers in America ). I'd figure that there would be a lot of teachers from the foreign side that would only think of that, Even if you believe me or not to being a morale right person is up to you, of course I've only presented only little detail of my life. I have no problem opening up to people, especially if it's seeking advice on this, to me marriage is sacred and I'd like to keep it that way. Then again asking advice in on such short terms might say otherwise.

Thanks,
Simon
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2012, 09:31:26 AM »
If marriage is sacred to you, then you need to learn a lot more about Thailand and your girlfriend before you make a commitment to either. Traditional Thai women can make faithful wives and girlfriends but those who make a point of meeting boys on the Cobra Gold annual bash are often the opposite. It's an annual feeding frenzy for the hookers who will even dump their partners, Thai or farang, to make a quick buck. There's a farang in Korat who pays over the odds for time with a regular scrubber and she dumps him when the troops are in town!

Yours may well be very different but you will need to learn a lot more before you can be sure.
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2012, 11:11:17 AM »
Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on that. I did felt it strange how it all started, but like you said she might be different from those type of girls. From my understanding I didn't have sex with her and she didn't ask for it, I've talked and met with her sister and still talk to her sister. Though honestly she might be that type of girl and I won't find out till I see her and her family again. To me it's odd to work at MK restaurant at the korat mall from 17.00 to 25.00 (that's what she said, which I'll let that sly) . I can't completely judge my own situation yet until I understand the culture itself and the type of person she is, with the language barrier it makes things that much harder. If you more detail on the whole situation I can explain to the best of my abilities.
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2012, 11:31:27 AM »
Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on that. I did felt it strange how it all started, but like you said she might be different from those type of girls. From my understanding I didn't have sex with her and she didn't ask for it, I've talked and met with her sister and still talk to her sister. Though honestly she might be that type of girl and I won't find out till I see her and her family again. To me it's odd to work at MK restaurant at the korat mall from 17.00 to 25.00 (that's what she said, which I'll let that sly) . I can't completely judge my own situation yet until I understand the culture itself and the type of person she is, with the language barrier it makes things that much harder. If you more detail on the whole situation I can explain to the best of my abilities.

You don't know whether you had sex with her?

You mentioned that you are half Chinese. Does your family background not give you some better idea about Thai culture.

What do you think to the food in MK The Mall, by the way? I guess that's where you met one day.
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2012, 11:45:06 AM »
Sloppy grammar and use of words on my part. What I meant to say we didn't have sex and I even asked her how she felt about sex, she said she wanted to wait to marriage. In terms of being half Chinese I'm 2nd generation, and I do keep the values, even though it wasn't strongly enforced, though my mother was fairly strict and wanted me to do well in school.
This is going sound bad but I met her at a small market area in Camp Friendship, which had different stands, one of them was where I met her which was a bar - food stand. I was told she was a server there, but on the other hand one of her friends told me some stuff about her, which I can't fully judge until I see for myself.
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #10 on: March 22, 2012, 11:57:42 AM »
Girlfriends of girlfriends sometimes try to spoil a relationship if they are jealous and want the guy for themselves.

You say that you met her at a street food stand and spent time together swimming and walking around The Mall. You must have been able to communicate yet know you are now in touch with her friend rather than her. And you never saw here working in the evenings in MK. Is that correct?
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #11 on: March 22, 2012, 12:16:13 PM »
Ok let me try to clear this up as simple as I can, kinda wanted to avoid a story, but it's needed when I need advice. In short there were 6 girls that worked there. The market area I was at was on Camp Friendship and it just had multiple bars/food and merchandise stands ( kinda squared off on its own) . Now the family I ate with was with Cherry's family ( she's in college, pal skin, and seems to like me, but I only consider her a sister figure if anything, because I'm with Nook, her mother is the owner of the stand *awsome cook by the way ) . The girl who told me some negative things about Nook, was Qwon, who is a friend of both and pity me for whats happening. Now the other three don't play such an important role, except maybe Min who is Nook's roommate. Nook recently got her job at MK restaurant and due to it, it has been a bit difficult to talk to her through facebook. So I haven't seen her work there, I'm in the states till August.

Side note: I'm beginning to understand what saving face and more about the culture and I've come to accept as I continue to read more forums about Thailand. Of course I won't understand it completely until I lived there for so many years, but just getting an idea.
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2012, 12:58:39 PM »
Perhaps you have your answer right there. Come over and spend some time with that group of friends that you made. Keep your eyes and ears open and you may learn a lot.

Did you not go out with the other service people while you were here?
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2012, 08:24:53 PM »
Thanks for all the help you given me and the other people, I really do appreciate it. I did go out with other people from my branch service, but not when me and nook went swimming that we did alone. The second time we went to the mall together was with her sister and sister husband. I guess only time can answer my questions and like you said I will keep my eyes and ears open, even though I can't understand the language yet, there are somethings I might be able to caught.

Thanks again,
Simon
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2012, 08:19:52 AM »
You asked about hotels. What standard do you prefer? As a guide, where did you stay during your visit and what did you think of it? There's quite a good one at a reasonable rate that I would recommend but it's said to be haunted by a midget vampire. In any case it's out from the centre of town and you would probably prefer to be in the busier areas. Some hotels are used by street girls and their clients so, given your moral code, you need to be careful.
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2012, 10:55:03 AM »
Ha, I don't mind the midget vampire haunted place. To my standards I'm on a budget, because I plan on staying the 30day max before I head back to school for fall term. I would like a quiet area, not too busy, but being said that I want to be close to the Korat Mall, Which might be difficult. I still plan on coming to Thailand mid August, probably stay in Bangkok for at least 5 days then move up to Korat and look at the temples and such. Didn't get a chance to ride the elephants, because I spent my MWR day to go swimming. I'm also having a friend come with me so if everything goes down hill at least I got someone to rely on, though I'll probably be taking care of him, being the drunk he is. I prefer to avoid the hotels that is usually rented out to street girls, but I'd like a cheap but decent place to shut my eyes at. In terms of plans after getting to Korat, Nook wanted to go to the beach so we'll probably end up doing that. From there not sure, depends if temple or ocean comes first. I wouldn't mind knocking out the "certified to marriage" form out of the way, just to plan for the future and also get her a passport, but haven't decided to do it at the start of the trip or end. All depends.

On to where I stayed at last time I visited, was on Camp Friendship in one of the old barracks, so Ideally anything will be better.

Seems there be lots of left over time if I want to spend 30days in Thailand, is there anything locally going on around mid-August mid-September?

Guess another way to say all this is I'm spending money in plans to come back again.
The weather far exceeds Oregon weather, being that yesterday there was a power out from all the snow.
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2012, 11:29:52 AM »
In that case, I suggest the Sabai Hotel which is just a tuk tuk ride from the town centre and The Mall, a nice place and quiet. The tuk tuk driver should take you right from the hotel and down a lane past some vegetable farms to the rear entrance to The Mall. Sabai is very close to The Ram, and English run bar and restaurant with some good company when I used to go there. Close by are all kinds of Thai restaurants. You can get rooms from about THB850 per night. there are cheaper in town but not the kind of places you seem to be looking for.

If you want to see old ruins, there's Phi Mai. You would need to get a taxi are rent a car for the day. There's also the Petrified Wood Museum if you are into old fossils. Most places worth seeing are out of town so a rental car might be you best mode of transport. Your girlfriend might like to go to Korat Zoo and then have a meal at Korat Resort down the road from there. The Resort also has a swimming pool open to non-residents.

My favourite places are around Pak Thong Chai where we live and where my wife has a restaurant. We enjoy trips down the road to Wang Nam Kheow and the local reservoirs in particular.

I don't recall any events during the time you will be here. Most take place outside the rainy season.

I wouldn't bother getting the Affirmation of Freedom to marry until you need it. It must be obtained close to the event.

For the beach, there is Pattaya, Jomtien, Rayong and Kho Chang.

You might enjoy a day or two in Udon Thani.

By the way, where did you get that username?

Here are some links for you:

http://www.koratmagazine.in.th/event/eevent.htm

http://www.grumpyexpat.com/blog/2009/11/khorat-fossil-museum-kok-kruat.html

http://www.grumpyexpat.com/blog/2009/11/phi-mai-festival-2009.html

http://www.grumpyexpat.com/blog/2011/05/top-cafe-pak-thong-chai-korat.html

http://www.grumpyexpat.com/blog/2011/09/koh-si-chang-pattaya.html

http://www.grumpyexpat.com/blog/2008/12/irish-clock-bar-restaurant-and.html
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2012, 11:40:37 AM »
If you need some visual impressions for preparation I'd recommend the photo gallery of our German local forum which has plenty of fine photographs of Korat and surroundings

http://www.korat-info.com/gallery/
Fun is the one thing that money can't buy
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2012, 11:55:50 AM »
@Saf Thanks for all the information, Sabai Hotel does sound good, but I'll also look around on some sites to see if I can get any deals added with a vehicle. Though I'm a bit worried driving around, since last time it seemed hectic with the tuk tuk drivers. I'll definitely check out Phi Mai and Korat Zoo. The Resort sounds good too, also depends on my budget. Of course I'll do more research and I got plenty of time before I get to Thailand.

I got my user name just through things I like, for example: Godzilla; it's also been bit of a gamer tag I used since I was younger.
Thanks for the links I'll definitely check them out.

@Johnnie F. thanks for the link.
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2012, 11:56:46 AM »
Great gallery, JF.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #20 on: March 24, 2012, 12:09:00 PM »
Dankwian, das Töpferdorf

 Didnt see any hairdresser fairys :lol
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2012, 03:34:50 AM »
So I just pulled some numbers from different sites, and made a rough estimate, the trip so far will cost around 3300 USD for 30days. This includes the hotel (850 baht per night) , ticket ($1200), food (80x3 baht), car ( $937). The car and hotel will be split with with my friend too. Also this doesn't include the luxury things yet, So I'm thinking this might be a bit too much. Will there be a better option for this? Like just take the buses and taxi around places? Get a cheaper hotel?
 

sicho

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #22 on: March 25, 2012, 08:52:58 AM »
Your estimate doesn't seem expensive for a 30 day trip to another continent.

You could save by using cheap hotels at THB350 per night (very basic and used by short timers) and hiring a car only when you want to travel out of town. Alternatively, you could come for less than 30 days!
 

Offline Seamonster

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Re: Going back to Thailand for Girl Seeking advice
« Reply #23 on: March 26, 2012, 01:00:33 AM »
True enough, I don't mind the basics, as long there is decent hygiene and bed. Anything else I can make up through long days and nights. Was just curious on what would be the best option from different opinions/view points. Thanks for all the advice.
 

 



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