Author Topic: Should I bear a grudge?  (Read 106432 times)

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Offline Johnnie F.

Should I bear a grudge?
« on: June 21, 2010, 10:38:24 PM »
I had a foreign visitor today who (not only) according to my Thai relatives behaved far out of line, yelling insults at me. I kept cool. But his insults on my land in a language they know from American movies seemed to offend them. He seemed to have insulted a whole Thai clan by his performance of words I cannot type here because our swearword filter doesn't allow.  ;)

I tried my best to calm him down. He agreed to go home and give peace after a while. But the woman who accompanied him insisted that we went with the Police to Nonsung to write down an agreement about future actions on this forum. I know that never anything illegal remained on this forum, but just to get the excited guy quiet I agreed to remove any illegal references posted in future like defamations about his person, his business and his wife etc. I don't belong to those people holding a grudge when somebody looses it. When I'm excited and razzed up I might not be so easy to handle either. I'll be a nice guy again when I calmed. And if I didn't overdo it, people will forgive me for that moment of offensive behaviour.

But now back at my house I hear lots of complaints from my relatives that I shouldn't let the guy off so easily. They suggested I should file a police report about that guy for his unbecoming behaviour and offered to pose as witnesses about his offenses; they would never let anybody come to their house and insult them like that. They would ask for money as compensation and make sure he gets to jail for a while.

I do have a real hard stand, making them understand that the guy must have been out of his mind temporarily.

What should I do? The guy might have seen already that he was out of line. But Thais don't forget that easily or mind a lot more instead of just seeing a boy not knowing how to handle his problems with dignity.

Can I let my relatives down by forgiving him too easily? 8)

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dirtydog

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2010, 11:15:37 PM »
If some cnut come to my place mouthing it off I would have hit or shot him depending on how threatening he got,  fcuk these people, you goto someones house to abuse them you better make sure you have a weapon and use it.
 

Offline Baby Farts

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2010, 06:37:23 AM »
JF, I'm sorry to hear of this unfortunate event.  I am in agreement with DD.

If this guy is on your land uninvited, he is trespassing...and if he is trespassing it could easily be argued that he could be a burglar or someone with the intent to cause harm to you and your family. 

If someone comes onto our property unannounced and uninvited, they are trespassing and will face repercussions accordingly. The response time in calling the police is a joke, unless you live next to a police station.  As with your situation, I too am more forgiving than my Thai relatives who under the same circumstances, would ultimately take actions into their own hands....so perhaps you should meet with your Thai relatives, discuss what happened, and let them sort it out.  The police really don't seem to be concerned about what feuds go on between fellow farangs here in Thailand.  When it's Thai vs Farang, it's a different story.

Also, you are not obligated to sign anything.  Find a good lawyer and let him handle any of these "agreements."  I can't think of any competent lawyers in Korat, but I can hook you up with an experienced, professional attorney(s) who will certainly handle any agreements and disputes you may have.  I pay big bucks for the two attorneys I have in Bangkok, but it is because I know and trust these guys.  I also have three attorneys that sit on our board of directors in our family business.  The two lawyers in Bangkok have been here for over 20+ years and know what they are doing. Their law firm is huge and they can accommodate any of your needs. Don't be intimidated by some 'guy'. >:(

edited by admin.

 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2010, 07:17:59 AM »
No, BF, I forgot to mention that he came with the police from Nonsung and that they witnessed his whole show as well. They wanted to arrange a meeting at their office today, but that must have been not soon enough for him.

I think the whole of foreigners in Korat just want peace with other people. And if one wants peace he can just make it, stop aggression, but not try to "enforce peace", exerting power. Not any different from the Thais.

But it looks like this story keeps going on...
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sicho

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2010, 07:25:19 AM »
JF, I'm sorry that you and your wife and family were subjected to such insulting behaviour. Why could he not meet you and talk quietly about his problem instead of attempting such childish intimidation? Let's hope that he apologises to you before you need to make a decision that suits family honour.

I can relate a couple of experiences that are along the same lines as yours. During a social gathering a strangely behaved young man tried to cause a disturbance. I knew him but won't go into the detail of that just at the moment. He was eventually controlled by several people but, before that happened, he went from verbal abuse to pleasantries and back to verbal abuse, finally saying that he would kill me and my family. If he had threatened to kill only me I might not have taken much notice but my family has never had anything to do with him. Understand that this creature has previously proven he is capable of killing another human being.

Yesterday afternoon, I was reading a chapter in a book written by a Canadian man about his marriage and relationship experience in Thailand. He has been here for 20 years and, in the book, carefully explains the cultural background to Thai people's behaviour. Something that I read yesterday struck home. He said that Thai people don't forgive. If someone acts against them or insults them they may take their revenge long after the offender has forgotten what he did. That really underscores what your family is saying to you and it might be better to deal with the matter the Western way than wonder what the family might do. I, of course, did certain things that would set off a chain events if anything happened to me or my family but that remark in the book has made me wonder whether I should take some more action. My large family, here and elsewhere, is grossly offended by the threat against them and they have been told the identity and background of the person who uttered it.

Another matter involves the same person. He has a habit of bad mouthing me to other people. I have asked him to stop it, saying that he would not hear from me again if he complied. I have irrefutable proof that he has committed illegal acts in Thailand and I told him that, if he continued to insult me, I would expose what he has been doing. I have recently heard that he still calls me names and makes threats against me. So, now I have to consider whether this is the time to expose him for what he really is. Or perhaps I should consider some completely different action.

I note DD's advice and he has, I believe, considerable experience of what is possible in this country.
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2010, 08:02:16 AM »
JF, I'm sorry that you and your wife and family were subjected to such insulting behaviour. Why could he not meet you and talk quietly about his problem instead of attempting such childish intimidation? Let's hope that he apologises to you before you need to make a decision that suits family honour.

As I said in the opening post I already tried to talk on the guy's behalf to keep things from escalating. But I got the impression the people here took his performance very personal.

The news spread with the speed of light around the amphur already last night. As many farmers do go to town to sell their goods on the markets in the morning I can imagine that the news already spread to wider circles in Korat and people are considering how to react. I don't think I have any power over them or can influence what they might do. I think the guy's behaviour was what lawyers call "temporary insanity".
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sicho

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2010, 09:10:21 AM »
He must have virtually no knowledge of Thai village culture. He insulted you and your wife and, therefore, the whole family and circle of friends and neighbours. Such behaviour in public really isn't tolerated. Also, we know, don't we, just how far the circles of social and family connections spread. I think that you have to leave things to the local people. You won't be able to tell them how to deal with the insults to them.

Thank goodness he was only temporarily insane. We wouldn't want to have to deal with a permanent loopy doop in the foreign community, would we?

I'm scratching my head wondering whether I have met this guy. His spoilt child behaviour seems familiar.
 

dirtydog

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2010, 09:12:13 AM »
Quote
If someone acts against them or insults them they may take their revenge long after the offender has forgotten what he did.
Sadly that is generally not true, they may not forgive but after the heat of the moment they generally don't act, I have been involved in a lot of conflicts and confrontations with Thais and over the years and employed several thousand of the buggers, but I most definetly wouldn't have allowed some farang with some low level police onto my land or even bothered talking to them unless they had a warrant.
 

NotRon

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2010, 09:19:29 AM »
You don't have any control over what others in your family or village might do so it's a battle you can't win.  The guy made an ass of himself.  You've done all you could do to calm the situation.  Bringing the BiB into it or escalating some sort of legal battle will only complicate things further.  Sounds as if the guy has some issues with something posted on the forum.  If he wants to bring some sort of legal complaint, respond in your defense. 

All you can do is keep urging calm with your family and their friends.  At the end of the day they'll do whatever they decide to do.

The long term resident foriegn community in Thailand communicates through forums such as this.  I have no idea what the issues are that got him riled up but if they are unjustified he won't be doing himself any good within the foriegn community by continuing his behavior.

All just another Thai drama.  Urge calm and let the chips fall where they may.
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2010, 10:27:32 AM »
I most definetly wouldn't have allowed some farang with some low level police onto my land or even bothered talking to them unless they had a warrant.

You might have been exposed to a different kind of police from our guys in Nonsung. They're not arrogant, mighty-acting guys. All I have seen of them was being polite to their people and helping and trying to settle conflicts. It's a two-way street. People around here don't need to live in fear of the police; they try to help them and make their job as easy as possible. Like rural folks and city folks are two kind police in a rural area and the city are also different. Cities usually have a higher share of criminals than villages where people all know each other, and the city cops have a tough and dangerous job, need to act differently. In a rural area life for the police is more relaxed, no need to display power. They can sleep more because they don't need to do night-shifts so much; village people sleep at night.
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Offline Dude

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2010, 01:12:52 PM »
Should you bear a grudge? Perhaps.

If he's insulted or threatened your family, then yes.

Sounds like he's a regular psycho anyhow, so he should be avoided anyway. He will probably devise his own downfall though through his own actions at some point, these types often do.

As mentioned above, probably having a tantrum about something said on here, no big deal. If you're bothered about it then just keep tightening up the T&Cs on here so that they protect you legally, the owner/administrator, better. Have a look at the T&Cs on some of the other bigger forums that are outside Korat, very long indeed.
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle
 

Franklyb

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #11 on: June 23, 2010, 02:37:53 PM »
Just wonderingi do not know the person that insulted you Johnnie, would the person have any reason to bring the police to your home and rant and rave in front of them, seems a little strange that the police would come along when there does not seem to be any dispute.

Just a couple of points.

Did you ask the person to leave your land, If so and the person did not comply, you have the law behind you, to use reasonable force to make him leave, if the police were there they would have to make him leave the land.

Now the police have been party to the situation ask them why they were in attendance.

Also should the person in the future decide to further the problem, i feel there is no reason to worry as the police have witnessed the persons behavoiur.
If the wifes family, friends neighbours, feel aggrieved, i am sure they will take there own course of action which you will not be party to.
 
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #12 on: June 23, 2010, 03:40:30 PM »
Hi Frank, long time no read! :)

I can only conclude that he is always afraid of police and assumed I  were too.

But from his own words in an email later that night "there was nothing criminal but swearing and shouting" I can only conclude that he thought he performed to their pleasure. They on the other hand seemed very embarrassed by him and let me, my wife and her relatives present handle the whole.

Cheers,

Johnnie
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Franklyb

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2010, 03:49:30 PM »
Hi Johnie thanks for the welcome back.

Have been taking a break from, the korat asylum, living a nice peaceful life these days.

Still hoping all you guys can start getting on together, thats one of the reasons why i went before, getting invoved in other peoples business, and some thrived on it, but did not do anything about there disputes beforehand,

Let bygones be bygones. I told that to someone the other day from Korat i hope he listened.
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #14 on: August 18, 2010, 11:45:04 PM »
Ain't it ironic that this creature keeps on defaming and falsely accusing me on another and poorly moderated board while he asked with a police-and-lawyer escort to be spared public information about himself?

He must already have his ticket out of Thailand in his pocket and his bags packed. There is no other interpretation for his present behavior than a last bristle up from safe distance before he leaves this area. :-[

Good bye, "friend"! Nobody will miss you here! :)
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Offline Baby Farts

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Re: Should I bear a grudge?
« Reply #15 on: August 19, 2010, 06:55:58 AM »
JF, he threw my name and Safs name around in that forum too.  It shouldn't come as a surprise to you as this is his style and technique of trying to draw people out.  He doesn't know who is who so he has to speculate.  I've tried to ignore it and was tempted to send SR an email, but I don't think it would have done any good.  There's no way for me to reply as I don't have access to that forum, and don't want it either.  I think he doesn't realise how many enemies he actually has here in Korat.  After my lawyers had a bout with him and he seemed to be on good behavior, he screws it all up by making those accusations and posting people's names, the very thing he despises when people use his name or hint of his past.  My lawyers saw what he posted and have taken note of it. 

Potter...this fellow is something else.  I think this guy might be suffering from dementia or something.  He once wrote about me on a forum that I'm...and I quote "He's well known at Nana Plaza."  Like that is supposed to be a bad thing  ;D.  I asked myself, how would he know that, even though it's not true?  Did he go down to Bangkok and interview all the staff in Nana Plaza?  Then in his recent posts, he brags about how well-known his sons and friends are in the bars and how ALL the girls in Korat are chasing after them.  Can you believe this nut case?  He seems to be under the impression that I have a dislike for his sons, which is completely false.  I worked with both of them and spent time with them cruising the town on one or more occasion.  I have found them to be fun, smart, and overall good guys.  I've never bragged about all the Thai women I've shagged.  I never used to bring it up or talk about it in the work place like Potter used to....and he would do it constantly as if he was trying to prove something...what that is I'm still not sure as his rants would go through one ear and out the other.  He accuses me of being jealous, but in reality I believe he is the one who is jealous.  As a father, I understand taking pride in your children, but this guy takes it to another level thinking that his sons and friends are God's gift to all the women in Thailand.  For a man who has lived here as long as he has, you would think he understands how Thai women work.  They really aren't interested so much in looks.  Just look at me heh heh.  They want a man who is financially stable and capable of caring for them and their family.  It's a fact that constantly seems to elude this bitter old man.  These young men that he coaxes into coming to Thailand to teach English really don't have much to offer in the way of financial stability.  They own no house, have to rent, and usually ride around on some scooter scraping by on a measly teacher's salary.  They spend all their earnings on booze and gambling on football games at the local pub.  What happens when it's time to retire?  So the question I ask myself is why are they here?  I think we all know the answer to that question, but remember...if you are here for the ........ you are a filthy dirty old whoremonger, but when he and his lads do it, it's...and I quote "Healthy for young men to be shagging young girls."   :o :o

I forgot to mention.  Did you see his remarks about expats who have married Thai women who are of a young age?  He just made enemies with over half of those members on KF and the Korat community.
 

 



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