Author Topic: What does make an expat depressed  (Read 1388 times)

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Offline thaiga

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #30 on: October 25, 2018, 12:45:09 AM »
Suicide: the silent killer - On average, a person takes their own life every 40 seconds somewhere in the world. In Thailand, six people attempt suicide every hour and one succeeded every two hours last year.

interesting subject What does make an expat depressed as nearly a thousand views, does that mean, some are depressed or have been at one time or another, as of only today we read (British expat in his thirties was found hanged at his home) this guy needed a friend, someone to talk to, now what about social media, just  imagine trolling someone  then you hear the guy has topped himself. how would you feel.

how an internet troll or an expat playing the fool on a forum, wanting to hurt others with a string of hurtful replies, giving depression to others with his silly remarks thinking he is clever, why does he want to hurt people, i suggest that he is the one hurting and with depression setting in, he is the one needing help, not many are going to volunteer to help someone that has hurt others.

trolling is defined as antagonizing someone online through offensive comments or content and could be dangerous to the weaker person, resulting in devastating mental health consequences. cyberbullying is not tolerated here, no matter who you are, thanks to the software that can also detect abusive language, with that and the admins running of this forum, we seem to have kept them out.

some social media users in the past have set up an account for the sole purpose of making nasty comments and to see how much of a rise they can get out of someone by saying something hurtful, why would you want to hurt people and make them depressed, those that you have never met or don't even know.

can you imagine how it may affect someone who may be contemplating suicide or struggling with depression. looking for help online. maybe the person your aiming at has just lost a relative, or a close friend or even a family bereavement. that nasty comment, could just send him over the top,

the words some want to hear that just might save their life - You are not alone any more,  I am here to listen to you, we need each other and to show friendship more
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 
The following users thanked this post: Johnnie F.

Oppo

  • Guest
Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #31 on: October 25, 2018, 02:26:46 PM »
nice speech thaiga, but that won't penetrate the ears of the people that want to show their anger, as you put it, there not happy. when the giggle water flows, out it comes. infact when they don't drink they are leading a false life, the real person comes out when they do take a drop. scared of life when they are sober.

hearts of stone surfaced when they spoke ill off the dead, few years back, you know what i mean, but that old wooden door, riddled with infestation, decay, is now rotting away, as most have met with bad times. interesting thread.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #32 on: October 25, 2018, 09:50:31 PM »
yes Oppo i do remember the insults given, after some well known forum members admins passed away. R.I.P. guys. as for the trolls not an act of cleverness, as their friends were only going along with them, scared not to be in the click, but the spiritual power behind karma was served. on seeing this their friends dissapeared.

that could be why a lot of people suffering from depression are a bit shy getting help, spilling their problems to someone they don't realy know, to get laughed at. remember mental illness is not a personal failure, it happens.
 
bad enough spilling your personal problems even to a professional person. i would think your local doctor might be the best bet, he probably knows someone in the game, or he might be able to give you some advice himself. might come at a price though unless you have insurance covering that.

so what can be worse than you getting depressed, well i'll tell you. your wife getting depressed :-[ that might be even worse, having a touch of menapause and not knowing, the hubby thinking, what have i done wrong for her to be like this towards me. people with menapause don't realise there is anything wrong with them, only the people around them do and can see there is a problem, always misserable, snapping back at whatever is said, i don't need a doctor, they think. it effects different people different ways, as they go through their cycle of life.

i am surprised at the lack of education here in los on issues of the nature of the female cycle - no i don't mean a bike,lol.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

surbition

  • Guest
Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #33 on: October 26, 2018, 12:21:45 PM »
trolls are a failure of a man,to go out your way to hurt someone,drink is a bigger problem than people think.only the other day on a forum did i hear a guy saying sorry for an earlier insult,blaming it on drink,not good for the forum or him. but it has a reputation for insults.

years ago in the uk,the days everyone lived in a council house,the problem families and the ones that disturbed the decent folk,they moved them all on one big council estate,so the nusiances were all together,like the broadwater farm estate,remember that,where the riots were. is that whats happened with the forums all the trolls together.

back to suicides,bad results,not only farangs,thai people as well and at an alarming rate,so whats the cause of this,a hurried lifestyle,making their minds adapt to situations,not having enough time to think or ponder over anything,the pressure and stress over,family matters,money situations,some suffering drug,alcohol and mental health problems are more likely to attempt suicide.

we all can live as friends. do you believe modern technology is a friend. unfortunately man becomes his own enemy while using it.
anything that we want to know is at our fingertips at any time. If you want to know how to build a birdhouse, then you just type it in google,bingo theres your answer.

wouldn't it be nice if that worked with typing in depression,no more hurting,no more suicides,what a happy life we have found, yeah rite.
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #34 on: October 26, 2018, 12:40:47 PM »
If you're suffering from depression, the worst you can do, is hanging much behind the computer, maybe hoping to find some former acquaintances to reconnect to on FB or the like. You will only get yourself in trouble! Go out, meeting new people might help. Take walks, do exercises, join a club! Shopping might not be the best, not only because you spend your doe for stuff you probably don't need at all, you will have the problem to get rid of all that junk again.
Fun is the one thing that money can't buy
 

Offline thaiga

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #35 on: October 26, 2018, 09:01:13 PM »
we have not covered, cheating, your wife cheating on you with another man, now that would be depressing, it might even turn you off sleeping with her, laying there thinking, all i give you, how could you cheat on me. now a couple of drinks with that on your mind, anything could happen. i think one would rather not know. that could well be one of the top reasons for them that top themself.

 it is so much easier for a female to get sex than a male, unless your paying for it of course. although most women do not show the desire for sex, do they still want it as much as men. although just because someone can have sex all the time doesn't mean they do. so think how your wife would feel if you were caught playing the field, whats good for the goose is always good for the gander, so they say, but the goose or the gander, haven't got their home and family to loose over a quick five minute rump.

Oh well nothing is free in life except bad advice. what advice would you give this guy, found on a forum t/visa

is my thai wife cheating on me

I don't know what to do.  Last week I got a call from my friend.  He knew I had met my wife on Thai Friendly and he had joined the site hoping to also meet someone good.  While browsing he recognized my wife (I had sent him a photo of us when we had gotten married) and then he found a second profile with her picture.  My wife and I have been married for more the 1 year (she's 48, I'm 58) but it is a long distance marriage until I can take early retirement.  We talk every day and I send her support every month.  The profiles showed that the last logon was 3 months and 1 month respectively and they both had fairly recent photo's of her.

I didn't know what to do so I told my wife during our Skype conversation that my friend found her profile (I only mentioned the older profile).  She was upset and said that she created that profile with the help of her friend because she was worried I was cheating on her and she wanted to see if I had a profile on Thai Friendly.  She swore that she never went there and never talked to any men and it was all her friends doing and she had forgotten the password and could not delete it.  I asked if she had another profile and she swore to me that she did not and that was the only profile.  I then asked her about the 2nd profile and showed her the printout my friend had sent me.  She was shocked and had no explanation except to say she had created the 2nd profile for "fun" and didn't know why she did it but she swore again that she never talked to anyone and she couldn't go to Thai friendly because she had forgotten the password for that profile too.  She kept saying she did not talk to any of the stupid men there and I was the only man for her.  I was upset and asked that she delete these profiles but, again, she said she could not because it was her friend and she had forgotten the password and did not have an email address...She said she would talk with her friend.  Three days later the profiles were deleted and she said she had proof she had not talked to anyone.  She offered that I speak with her friend and she would explain (she had paid her friend 200 baht to delete the profiles) but she could not give me her friends phone number and she could only speak with her if she went to her apartment and we used her cell phone but her friend lives far away and she is busy and then she said her friend went away to China(?) to work but she would take me to see her friend when I next came to Thailand.  My wife and her friend both worked at the same Asian massage parlor but she said her friend was jealous that she had a "good" husband and was not a good friend.   My wife left her work after we were serious in our relationship and I bought her a limousine license for Phuket airport and gave her a down payment for the car after our marriage.  I am not rich and doing this for her was difficult but I wanted her to have her own business and have respect.  This was something she really wanted and said it would be a good investment for us and our future.

While we were talking about her found profiles she was crying and saying she was faithful and didn't care about money then got angry and said I give her so little and I gave more to others then to her....there was so much that was said that didn't make sense.  Later I was suspicious and I did a google search (not proud that I did this) and I found she had two Badoo profiles giving her Line ID and Skype name.   I asked her about these and she said they were old and before she met me but she could not delete them because she owed Badoo money(?)....Finally, she said she was stupid and really did love me and wants me to come to her in December and stay for a long time.  She has told me that other men have asked her to live with them but she always says she is married and she is honest with me when all her other girlfriends cheat on their farang husbands.  Now she asks that the past is past but if I find any more profiles of her they are probably fake ones made by her jealous girlfriends and I should ignore them (?!?).  Really, as I write all this I can see how foolish I look but I don't know what I should do?  I do love her but my trust in her is severely damaged and I feel that she is not telling me the truth...I must decide fast because she wants me to come to Thailand in December.  I am conflicted and feel much stress as I am already in debt because of her and traveling in December during high season will use the last of my savings.  I explained this to her and she said we could just stay in the hotel, not go anywhere but she still needs my support payment and wants to get her eyes fixed (plastic surgery) but she really wants me to come to her and if I really love her I will do.  If I do not come to Thailand she says she will die and that will be the end of the marriage...This is making me crazy! "fun" and didn't know why she did it but she swore again that she never talked to anyone and she couldn't go to Thai friendly because she had forgotten the password for that profile too.  She kept saying she did not talk to any of the stupid men there and I was the only man for her.  I was upset and asked that she delete these profiles but, again, she said she could not because it was her friend and she had forgotten the password and did not have an email address...She said she would talk with her friend.  Three days later the profiles were deleted and she said she had proof she had not talked to anyone.  She offered that I speak with her friend and she would explain (she had paid her friend 200 baht to delete the profiles) but she could not give me her friends phone number and she could only speak with her if she went to her apartment and we used her cell phone but her friend lives far away and she is busy and then she said her friend went away to China(?) to work but she would take me to see her friend when I next came to Thailand.  My wife and her friend both worked at the same Asian massage parlor but she said her friend was jealous that she had a "good" husband and was not a good friend.   My wife left her work after we were serious in our relationship and I bought her a limousine license for Phuket airport and gave her a down payment for the car after our marriage.  I am not rich and doing this for her was difficult but I wanted her to have her own business and have respect.  This was something she really wanted and said it would be a good investment for us and our future.

While we were talking about her found profiles she was crying and saying she was faithful and didn't care about money then got angry and said I give her so little and I gave more to others then to her....there was so much that was said that didn't make sense.  Later I was suspicious and I did a google search (not proud that I did this) and I found she had two Badoo profiles giving her Line ID and Skype name.   I asked her about these and she said they were old and before she met me but she could not delete them because she owed Badoo money(?)....Finally, she said she was stupid and really did love me and wants me to come to her in December and stay for a long time.  She has told me that other men have asked her to live with them but she always says she is married and she is honest with me when all her other girlfriends cheat on their farang husbands.  Now she asks that the past is past but if I find any more profiles of her they are probably fake ones made by her jealous girlfriends and I should ignore them (?!?).  Really, as I write all this I can see how foolish I look but I don't know what I should do?  I do love her but my trust in her is severely damaged and I feel that she is not telling me the truth...I must decide fast because she wants me to come to Thailand in December.  I am conflicted and feel much stress as I am already in debt because of her and traveling in December during high season will use the last of my savings.  I explained this to her and she said we could just stay in the hotel, not go anywhere but she still needs my support payment and wants to get her eyes fixed (plastic surgery) but she really wants me to come to her and if I really love her I will do.  If I do not come to Thailand she says she will die and that will be the end of the marriage...This is making me crazy!
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

Offline Johnnie F.

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #36 on: October 26, 2018, 09:20:12 PM »


what advice would you give this guy, found on a forum t/visa


Start saving money for his visit by taking only ice-cold showers!  ;D
Fun is the one thing that money can't buy
 

Offline thaiga

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #37 on: October 27, 2018, 12:22:29 AM »
you can't live in another country and your thai wife lives here, it don't work out, your mind could play tricks on you even if she is innocent. he should wait to retire then find a wife, but i love her he would cry, yes me to i love em all. he should pick up with someone when he's living here. apart from that he would be saving money, she 's playing the field, my missus worked in the fields while she waited for me. what a bar----- i am. but at least i knew she was honest, working, apart from the odd white lie which is the run of the mill and sometimes saves an argument. but she has done better than any golddigger :-[

what would happen if he said, sorry darling my money has finished, you will have to find a job and keep yourself ... you know the answer

so how did he deal with it i'll ask him tomorrow
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #38 on: October 27, 2018, 11:30:38 AM »

so how did he deal with it i'll ask him tomorrow
so here is his reply or follow up post to his first. now before you go banging on about how bad thai ladies are, think to yourself is this a genuine post or not, it got 14 pages of replies, thats a lot of views, i think you know what i'm saying. so if it is a real post from a real person, a lot of blame would be pointing at him, the way he went about getting married then flying off home. the lady joined a dating site to look for a farang, we asssume money is involved as that is what it is normaly about, so when he's not around did she continue to look, as she might even better herself a bit more, while he is working sending her money. as the guys says he is too susceptible.       here have a read

I'm not sure how to post this general followup/reply to my topic so forgive me if I have done this the wrong way.   All this, I'm sorry to say, is all too real.  I guess I expected most of these replies and my "gut" feeling has been to end the marriage.  I see too many holes in her explanations and I have lost my trust in her.  Those that advised that most long distance relationships fail are probably right and I was foolish to think I could make this work.  Do I still love her?  Yeah, I still do but that lost of trust is killing me.  It's funny how I felt like the bad guy when I confronted her and I wanted to believe what she said but that was during the moment when we were talking.  Afterwards when I had time to think I could still hear the "little voice" inside me telling me she was still lying to me.  Now she is being very nice to me and writing how she loves only me and wants future with me and it is OK if I don't come in December but she misses me too much, etc, etc, but for me, the relationship has changed.  Yes, she still says that she loves me and not my money but I see a pattern of her saying this and then later saying how she needs this money for unexpected bills or talks about how she really wants her eyes done again because they don't look good and she wants to look good for me (?!?).  I have already told her that coming to Thailand in December is too much for me (the trip would cost $4000-$5000 Canadian including her support payment and I am already in too much debt) and now she says that is OK and she understands but now I'm thinking is she saying this because she is afraid of losing me and my support if she pushes too much???  Sorry if I am repeating some of this stuff from the original post.

I have looked further on the internet trying to find evidence of her past and if she has other profiles.  I thought about trying to get her password, email (she keeps saying she does not have an email account) but those would/could have been "scrubbed" of any incriminating evidence...the same with her profiles.   Unfortunately, I have only a few of her user names and I have tried using social media search engines, scammer data bases, etc,  looked through other dating sites but can only see the ones that post free previews of members.  I even sent an email to a local thai detective agency.  When I talk with her I find myself believing her stories but inside I know I am being played and I can see the emotional games she is using (she is really good at that!).   Yes, I should have waited until I was living in Thailand before marrying and that WAS my plan (or until I was closer to my early retirement) but funny how everything went so fast....what an idiot. 

I hate doing this.  I hate how I am now so distrustful that I am looking for hidden meaning in everything she says and does.  I thank you all for your advice and think the only way I can end this is to just leave.  I will write to her and try to explain everything but I hate doing this as a letter is a cowards way out but I am worried that I am too susceptible to her and I will lose my resolve if I talk to her.  I will tell her she can keep all that I have given her as those were gifts to her and I wanted her to have a better life....I don't know how all this will end but I know that it must.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

Offline thaiga

Re: What does make an expat depressed
« Reply #39 on: October 27, 2018, 05:11:48 PM »
a bit more to add to the above post, he got married and went home back to work, so who's idea to plan their life that way, his not wanting to lose her, so getting married would solve that. or her idea so she doesn't lose her bit a dough to another woman. that's a lever, not love. is that thai style, buy the car then get a driving licence, so a guess at who was the boss, normaly us westerners learn to drive first past their test and then buy the car.

when we was younger most of us got married back home, but are we with that woman now, of course not. but at the time you thought you would stay together forever. but we have all learnt to love another, so why does he want to part with money and gifts, is it just to keep her. speaking the words i love you is so cheap, it means nothing, even less if its to keep your partner from leaving you. whereas your actions of love can be reconized without any words. a good woman can see that, the same as a bad one can see a fool to take advantage of his feelings. playing with peoples feelings is dangerous. he wanted her to have a better life, and himself, now a broken man, maybe lying awake at night trying to put his life back in order, at the same time thinking of the happy times he did have with her.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
 

 



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